Baba

The Young Man in the Photograph

Since my dad passed away, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it was like for him around the time he graduated from college and when he first came to America.

He came alone when he was 29 years old, almost 50 years ago.

I imagine he must have felt some uncertainty. Maybe some fear. But certainly also a lot of hope and excitement. He was old enough to know that he wanted to build a life, but still young enough that he didn’t know exactly how his life would turn out.

Knowing my dad, he probably had a quiet confidence that somehow he would figure it out.

Just last week, I was going through some of my dad’s belongings, and there I found a photo of him that I had never seen before. It was a photo from his college graduation, just several years before he left Taiwan for America.

While I was looking at that photo, I couldn’t help but wish that I could spend a little time with that young man… so that I could tell him how wonderful his life would turn out to be… and the enormous impact he would have on his family and the people around him.

Today I want to share a few moments from his life that made a big impact on me. These moments are not big, dramatic memories. They are quiet ones. But when I think about them, I get a special feeling that only comes from experiencing life with someone you truly love.

The Feeling of Being Safe

One of those memories was when I was a kid. I can still remember it like it was yesterday: riding my bike around my neighborhood late into the evening, until the sun went down and the streetlights came on. I specifically remember riding down the street, feeling the warm breeze, and experiencing a moment of pure carelessness and happiness. I was a kid and I felt safe. It’s the feeling of being a child and being loved, even before you fully understand what love costs.

And I associate so much of that feeling with my dad.

At the time, I didn’t understand what it took to create that kind of life. I didn’t understand the sacrifice, the pressure, the responsibility, or the endless day-to-day work of keeping a family running. I just knew that I was safe. I knew I was taken care of. And I knew I could just be a kid.

Today I have two little boys of my own, one who was born just a few weeks after my dad passed. Today I understand that what I experienced as a kid was no accident. It was something my dad and mom worked hard to build for us.

Even as an adult, when I admittedly was stubborn and slow to listen, my dad was there to take care of me. He never tried to force me to do anything, but multiple times he just told me, “Son, I know you’ll succeed, but if you ever need help, just come to me.” These were not words from a dad disappointed that his son didn’t do as he said. Those were words from a father who truly loved his son.

He was someone who truly loved his family and would do anything for us.

But that care and kindness didn’t just stop with us. It also extended beyond his family to the people around him. Which brings me to our second story.

A Life of Service

My dad was an accomplished man. He attended the Harvard of colleges in Taiwan, graduated at the top of his class, obtained multiple master’s degrees, and had a long and successful career. He always excelled at what he did.

When he came to America, he completed a two-year master’s degree in just one year and then quickly got employed as an engineer at BF Goodrich. After that, in just a few short years, he was able to purchase his first home. What an accomplishment for someone who had arrived with only $2,000 in his pocket several years earlier.

After BF Goodrich, he was hired to manage a team of engineers at Rohm and Haas, which was later bought by the Dow Chemical Company. As he was nearing retirement, his manager approached him and asked him if there was anything else he would like to do to finish out his career. He said, if there was one thing he could do… it was to have the opportunity to go back home to Taiwan and serve his people in some way.

And so, his company created a director position for him and sent him to Taiwan with all expenses paid, including travel for him and his wife, a new home, food, a personal driver, and even a stipend for letting his children come visit.

It was a truly wonderful experience for him. While he was there, he managed a large team in the Asia division. And like I said before, his purpose for going back was to serve his people. And that’s what he did. He took it upon himself to help each of his team members individually. He personally advocated to raise their salaries without anyone asking and against the cultural tradition. Even when his peers mentioned that he shouldn’t do that, he did it anyway.

His Best Friend

The last story I want to share with you is perhaps my favorite. And that is a story about my dad and his best friend—his wife… my mom.

They met after my dad had come to America. He would often go back to Taiwan to visit. And he first encountered my mom at a Buddhist temple near where they lived. My mom would go study there because of how peaceful it was. My dad’s family frequently visited that temple as well.

When they started dating, my mom was a teacher at a high school in Taiwan. And so, when my dad would return to the United States, they would write letters to each other, and that is how they mostly got to know each other.

After some time, on one of his visits, he proposed to my mom. And of course, my mom quickly said no. She said, “I barely even know you, and I am not leaving my wonderful job to go to a country I have never been to.” As the story goes, when she got back to her apartment, her roommate discovered what had happened and immediately told my mom she was crazy. She said, “Where are you going to find a man better than my dad?” Her roommate made her call my dad and accept his proposal.

And so they got married and my mom came to America with my dad. And from that time forward my dad loved and cared for my mom deeply.

And this is by far my favorite part of the talk. When my mom came to America, she couldn’t speak any English. She also decided that she didn’t want to stay at home and do nothing, and so she started to take computer science classes at Cleveland State University.

The problem was that when she first started attending classes, she realized that, because of the language barrier, she couldn’t understand anything her professor was teaching. And so… each day when my mom got back from class, my dad would read my mom’s textbooks to learn the course material and then teach my mom.

That story always touches my heart deeply because it embodies how my dad treated my mom throughout his entire life. With care, with patience, and with unending love. Only a man of great character and genuine care for his wife would do that.

I am so happy that, in the end, he got to spend the last six months of his life doing what he loved: enjoying life with his best friend. Even after more than 40 years of marriage, that was still what he wanted—to spend every moment with his wife.

The Moments That Matter

There are only a few moments in life where time stops… when suddenly nothing else matters… They are moments that make you truly realize what is actually important to you. And they are moments that completely change your life forever.

One of those moments was when my dad passed away. In that single moment, I experienced a loss and an ache in my heart that I had never felt before. But… I know that the only reason I felt that way in that moment was because of the countless and priceless moments we had with my dad throughout his entire life.

Even though today we say goodbye, I know that he is not gone. I know I will see him again. And when I do, I will personally tell him these stories that mean so much to us. I will hug him again and thank him and tell him… we love you, Ba.